Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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