When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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