Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
