Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
