SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
