she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
