You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
