oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
