so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
