just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize