as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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