you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
