We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just blew my weed a kiss
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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