Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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