I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
