i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
