Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
