Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Pooping to opera.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
