my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
