Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
