garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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