Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
