FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize