Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
