Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
