This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize