his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
