I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
