some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
