so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
