This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize