I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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