We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
