i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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