OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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