OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
