What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
