One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
