i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
