Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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