Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
