I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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