no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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