so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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