i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
