So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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