My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
