Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
