I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
