I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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