I am in a vortex of obligation.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
