He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
