I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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