sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize