I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
