News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize