I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
