just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
