dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize