Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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