The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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