You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
