Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
