I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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