Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
