This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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